In Defence of the "Pick Me"

By Rissi 20/7/23

I was scrolling through Pinterest the other day (as one does on a Tuesday evening) and in the midst of my browse I stumbled upon this random pin that some random twelve year old had clearly made:

I anticipated the comments before I saw them, literally just hundreds of sarcastic replies along the lines of "OMG YOU'RE SO qUiRKy >-<", "she's just not like other girls!!!", "she's One of the Guys" etc. When I saw these though I was angry. Hundreds of people spewing the same shit in the comment section and no one seemed to have pointed out the obvious: in what way was this girl a "pick me"?

Most internet users would probably agree on the basic definition of what a "pick me girl" is. She's a girl who rejects femininity and instead embraces her more masculine side in order to gain male attention, and in the process she puts down other girls by portraying them and their feminine traits as "dumb" and "fake" or whatever. You've probably seen those ridiculous memes before where it's "other girls v. me" and it'll be a drawing where "other girls" will be shown to be hyper feminine and slutty and superficial just because they like girly things, and the "me" side will feature a girl who's just 2kool4skool and doesn't wear makeup or dresses, just plays video games in her oversized hoodies. These sorts of memes now get a lot of hate online (as they should), because they are pushing the narrative that femininity is inherently bad, and that by acting girly or by liking feminine things, women are dumb and fake and slutty and all the other negative words previously mentioned.

So calling out pick me behavior is good right? Well... yes. But also no. Educating someone on how their behavior is harmful and just a bit silly is of course beneficial, bullying small children online is not. Most of us girls will have been through that phase before. All the television and books and other media we consumed as kids would extensively portray girly traits as being bad. The ideal heroine would be smart and adventurous and brave (because girls can be explorers too right?!) but under no circumstances would she ever be caught dead in a dress, or wearing makeup, or caring about her looks like those dreaded Other Girls. So bearing in mind this was the kind of content that was pumped into the brains of us girls since birth, does it come as any surprise that we all went through a phase of hating the colour pink?

So after a bit of reflection these past years, the internet finally came to the conclusion that hey! Maybe we SHOULDN'T hate women just because they enjoy being women! Everyone was feeling very pleased with themselves but recently I've started noticing this trend of people now making fun of girls who fit the stereotypical "tomboy" way of life. Literally. Girls can't catch a break these days. You see a very important detail people seem to have started forgetting about is that a girl is only a "pick me" if she's putting down other girls. That's why people making those comments under the pin didn't make sense, all the girl was trying to say was that she currently had a more messy and masculine aesthetic, and she wanted to change that. At no point did she ever say that feminine girls were silly or dumb, in fact the message was closer to the opposite, because she was literally saying that she wanted to be more like them. Like hello???? How is the creator of the pin a "pick me". Is any girl who likes games and hoodies automatically a "pick me" now, and deserving of an endless stream of online hate and harassment?

Feminism isn't "women should wear pants" and it isn’t "women should wear dresses". Feminism is simply having the choice to choose between wearing whichever makes you feel the most comfortable and happy. Gamer girls and girly girls can peacefully coexist and respect each others interests and aesthetics, and I think it really sucks that a movement that started off positively with the aim of educating people and pointing out that there is nothing wrong with being feminine has now turned into an mission intent on canceling any girl who dares to present more masculine. Like seriously, we went from shitting on girls who like makeup and dresses, to shitting on girls who DON'T. There is no way to win as a girl. It’s an endless cycle of bullying and hate no matter what option you choose. It honestly just makes me feel trapped and frustrated, like I'm banging my head against a wall. How are we supposed to move forward as a society when us women are constantly held back by stupid shit like this?